Why How You Tell Your Child About Donor Conception Matters
Lessons from Ang v Ang
This recent case from Ontario, Ang. v Ang, 2026 CanLII 3479 (ON SC), appears to be a standard family law matter focused on parenting time, decision-making and contact. However, on closer inspection, it also raises important issues about fertility law and donor conception. Specifically, how and when to tell a child about their donor-conceived origins.
The Facts: A Unique Family Configuration
The facts of this case are complex.
The father is still married to his wife of over two decades. During this marriage, he had a stroke, and his wife encouraged him to live life to its fullest. He commenced a relationship with another woman (the applicant/mother). While he never legally married this woman, he did participate in a non-legal marriage ceremony with her, and celebration with family and friends.
The child at the center of this case was conceived through IVF using the father’s sperm and an egg donor. The mother carried and gave birth to the child. The father did not reveal the child’s existence to his legal wife until after the birth.
How the Child Learned About Her Donor Conception
The father and his legal wife decided to tell the child about her donor conception. However, the manner in which this disclosure occurred became a central issue in the case.
The judge noted at paragraph 11 that the father “has often gone out of his way to tell people that while he is [child’s] father, [child’s] biological or genetic mother is an egg donor, not [the mother]. He told [the child] when she was only 5 or 6 years old, that [the mother] was not her biological mother and showed her the photographs of the egg donor. His wife… agrees with [the father’s] view that the child should know the truth about how she was conceived. Both believe that [the mother] should not be keeping this truth from [the child], even though she is only a child.”
The Court’s Findings: Truth vs. Weaponization
What the judge and the psychologist who conducted the Section 30 Assessment found problematic was not the disclosure itself, but how it was done.
At paragraph 74, the judge found: “I find that [the father] told [the child] that she was conceived by means of an egg donor and IVF. He says this is simply the truth and that a child should be told the truth. He suggested, but I do not accept, that [the mother] had first raised this issue with [the child] and that he had only responded to [the child’s] questions on the subject. I find that [the father] decided to share this extremely sensitive information with [the child] because he wanted to undermine [the child’s] relationship with her mother… by quite literally telling [the child] that [the mother] was not her ‘real’ mother”
In other words, while honesty about donor conception is important, the father used this information to try to damage the mother-child relationship.
Best Practices for Donor Conception Disclosure
How and when to tell your child?
Many professionals in the fertility and family law fields would agree that this was not an appropriate way to address donor conception with a young child. Here is a list of resources for parents, children, tweens/teens and professionals on how to start conversations about donor conception, from the Canadian Fertility and Andrology Society.
Disclosure about donor conception should:
In other words, while honesty about donor conception is important, the father used this information as a weapon to try to damage the mother-child relationship.
The Importance of Pre-Conception Conversations
This case underlines a critical lesson: conversations about donor conception disclosure cannot wait until separation or conflict arises.
When planning to use a donor, whether that be sperm, egg or embryo, intended parents should have ongoing conversations with their partner about:
The Court’s Decision and Broader Implications
What does this teach us?
The court granted sole decision-making authority and primary residence of the child to the mother. However, this decision was based not only on the inappropriate disclosure issue, but also on numerous other factors.
To parents and professionals, I hope that this case serves as a lesson on how to plan for the child’s best interests. It also shows that the courts will scrutinize whether sensitive information about a child’s conception is shared appropriately and whether it is used as fuel for conflict.
Planning Your Family Through Donor Conception
Reach out if you have questions about donor-conceived children and the law.
If you’re thinking of growing your family through the use of a donor, there are many things to consider. I have a number of resources on my blog, including known sperm donors and risks of using unknown donors.
If you’re planning on having this important conversation with your child or children, there are many helpful resources. Laura Runnel’s “Donor Conception Journal Club” has a very helpful newsletter. I’d encourage you to look at resources from Donor Conception Canada and children’s books to help you broach the topic in an age-appropriate way.
As always, feel free to reach out and book a consultation if you have more questions.
